Insomnia...a symptom of what exactly?

Ok. I just googled "insomnia" and up pops the link: "Chronic Insomnia Linked to Increased Risk of Death" ....that's just super.

At what point does this become an issue that warrants the many sleep coaches and doctors that are advertised I wonder?

It's 2.06AM as I begin this post. As I share that with you, I should also let you know that I am not one of those blessed individuals that works from home or has any control over their own schedule during the hours that one is normally awake. I am one of those people you pass in traffic on my way to my office trying to stay awake and act deeply interested in fulfilling my corporate duty.

I have no idea why or exactly when I stopped sleeping. I can only say that I haven't really slept well in many years. Of course this worries me but the commitment to self discovery in finding the root of the cause concerns me more than the insomnia itself.

I remember being a senior in high school and having insomnia the day before I left for college (if you know me and can do math, you immediately recognize that I must be very tired and also know how to effectively apply concealer). Somehow I knew my life would never be the same. At the young age of 17, I knew that the stage of my life in which I could be carefree had perhaps officially ended and was potentially lost forever.

I've heard people say that "self-awareness" is something that we should all work toward but as someone who is almost painfully self-aware I have to argue that there is an upside to oblivion.

Living in the moment and enjoying it is almost impossible when you are constantly reminded that change is on the horizon and not always for the better.

I recently saw a musician with the phrase "A Quiet Mind" tattooed on the back of his neck. Though this is a fashion statement that doesn't really go with my look, I have to admit the tattoo called out to me and meant something that begins the process of self-discovery that I have been dreading but must be addressed if I have hopes of ever sleeping again.

So my quest to stamp out my insomnia begins with the vision of a stranger's tattoo. It's like the white rabbit in The Matrix that I'm forced to follow. I suppose in starting this blog, I have taken the red pill. I hope you enjoy reading the rants of a troubled insomniac but most of all, I hope that at the end of the journey - I'll actually wake up refreshed.